Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
