it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
