So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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