Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
