he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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