In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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