worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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