Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
