I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
