I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
