It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
