You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
