im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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