note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
