it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i came on her dog
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
