i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
