can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
