i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
