i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
