So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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