i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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