Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Even my vagina gasped.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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