If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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