hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
