I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
