There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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