Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
