I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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