so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
