she woke up with a sticky ear
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
