bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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