She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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