It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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