guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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