Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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