Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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