Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
