I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
