I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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