Already got asked if we're dating
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
