New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
