I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
