D3 body, D1 cock
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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