I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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