The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
