OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
