thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
