He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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