awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
