the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm bleeding and have questions
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
