I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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