Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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